The Emotion in the Explosion
by Oneturtledove
Summary: And as long as one of us is okay, we'll hold. As long as we both have each other to lean on. Because the center is both of us. It's we.


Disclaimer: insert gibberish here

Spoilers: First three season are fair game

A/N: I am about 99 percent sure this is at least slightly OOC, but it came to me and wouldn't let go and I had to just get it out. I would hope that this is in character for them, at least when no one is looking.

* * *

"Aw, come on Bones, slow down," Booth whined, taking the steps two at a time to catch up with her.

"Leave me alone, Booth. I just want to… just leave me alone, okay?"

"Look, I'm just trying to be supportive here or something."

"Well I don't need it. Just go away!"

She spun around when she reached the top of the stairs, glaring at him as he stood in the middle of the flight.

"And don't come back!"

He sighed as she stomped up the next flight, then he turned and stepped into the elevator. She was taking the stairs to her apartment to blow off steam, so he was going to ride the elevator to catch her when she was back to normal. She wasn't going to like it.

The elevator dinged and he stepped out just as she came down the hallway.

"Booth!"

"Three flights of stairs, you must have calmed down a little."

"I asked you to leave and then I told you to leave and I would hope that you would respect my wishes and just do it!"

She thrust her hand in her pocket for her keys, then cursed when she came up empty.

"See, it's a good thing I didn't leave," he said, pulling his own keys out of his pocket and opening her door.

"Thank you. Now go."

"Bones, come on. Talk to me."

"I'm mad at you Booth! I don't feel like talking to you, especially after what you said about Zach. I don't really want to talk about it anymore, alright?"

Her resolve was wearing down and he knew exactly how to work this to make her feel better.

"Bones, I'm sorry. Look, we're both frustrated, it's been a really long few weeks and I said things I didn't mean. Forgive me?"

She sighed and moved to let him inside. He wanted to punch the air in victory, but instead kept his head bowed in humility.

"I suppose that there have been a lot of somewhat stressful situations all taking place within a short period of time. That is bound to make both of us on edge."

"Bones, you're more than just on edge lately. I know you don't believe in psychology, but I do think it would be a good idea for you to take a little time off and decompress."

"I can't take time off right now, Booth," she said, her voice raising an octave. "I have to find a new intern, I have to do work that Zach was supposed to do, I have debriefs to write and new cases with you, and I'm trying to motivate Hodgins to work and Angela is still a mess and I feel like one of those Stretch Armstrong dolls that were so popular when I was younger and I just have things I need to get done and I can't take this time right now okay? So stop badgering me."

"Bones, I'm not badgering you. I just want you to be okay."

"Stop it!" she hollered, her fists clenched at her side. "It's not your concern Booth, so just stop."

"Hey-"

"Leave me alone Booth, please just go away. I don't want to look at you right now."

"I apologized, why are you still mad at me?"

"I don't know!" she shrieked finally. He watched the ridigness fall from her face as her breathing sped up and her voice cracked. "I'm just mad at everyone right now and I want to be irrational and throw things and hit someone and I can't because it doesn't make sense. I get my father out of jail and then he's gone again. He doesn't call, he doesn't come over. And Russ is the same, it's like they just used me to get what they wanted and they have no need for me anymore. And Zach! How could he be so stupid? How could he not think it through? I should have taught him better than that. I should have seen it coming. You should have seen it coming Booth. You should have spent more time with him, you should have encouraged him like I've been telling you for years, but no, you don't have time for those who are beneath you, even when it's important. You don't even have the decency to tell me yourself that you're not dead. I should be more important than a list Booth. I should have heard it from you directly, no matter what the FBI said. And I couldn't even tell everyone that I was hurting while you were gone. I had to keep them all together, I had to be the one to keep the focus on the work and when I cried I had to cry alone."

Her voice had reached a volume that he didn't know she was capable of and she stood before him, anger practically shooting out her eyes.

"Do you know how hard that was Booth?" she continued. "Do you understand how much it hurt to cry myself to sleep only to have nightmares about that night, or being trapped in that car? I didn't sleep for days, Booth. I made so many mistakes on my work, mistakes I had to cover up and fix and it's your fault. It's all your fault!"

Her fists pounded against his chest with every word, and he felt that this rage was only scratching the surface of what she felt. He held her tightly, praying it was enough to hold her together. She was losing it, and as soon as she figured that out, it was going to get a lot worse. She wasn't going to understand this, she was going to see herself as weak, and he had to think of a way to cut that off at the pass.

"Temperance," he said finally, loud enough to be heard over her sobs, but just barely.

"No! Don't talk to me! Don't touch me, just leave me alone!"

She pushed against him, fighting to get away, but he was terrified that she would shatter if he let her go. He held her tighter, fought her flight until he was sure he would leave a mark on her. She let out one last yelp of frustration and nearly crumpled against him as a defeated cry tore from her lips.

"I can't," she cried, over and over. "I can't. I'm sorry."

He took two steps backwards and eased them onto the couch, the weight of her body and emotions becoming too much for him to hold alone. Her breathing became erratic and he felt a wave of panic rush over him as he turned her face from his chest.

"Breathe, Temperance. You need to breathe."

"Too much," she muttered. "Can't."

"Yes you can. Just breathe with me."

Another sob bubbled out and she clutched his shirt, as if it would keep her grounded.

"You're okay, sweetheart. You're fine, you just need to breathe."

It took a few minutes but her tears finally slowed and her breathing returned to almost normal.

"Why did that happen?" she asked with a shudder.

"You lost it, Bones," he answered. "It doesn't really come with an instruction manual."

"No. Doesn't make sense."

"Sometimes it doesn't have to. Sometimes one person can't deal with all of that."

"But I'm the one who compartmentalizes. I'm supposed to remain calm. Remember, we're the center. We have to hold."

"You're human, Bones. And no one else was here. It was just you and me. No one else ever has to know. We don't even have to talk about it again. And as long as one of us is okay, we'll hold. As long as we both have each other to lean on. Because the center is both of us. It's we."

She hiccupped a little and he could almost feel her getting tired.

"That's never happened before," she whispered as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I feel as if I can't move. I can't think."

"It's okay."

"We don't do this," she said, referring to their position on the couch. "Why don't I want to get up?"

"Better not to question it."

"Why?"

He smiled and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head.

"You need rest, Bones. Physical and mental."

"But I have work to do."

"Yes, you do. Important work. You can't afford mistakes because you're neglecting your own needs out of pride. Just give in a little, Bones. Just once, let someone else take care of you. Even if it's only for right now."

She was quiet, considering his words for several minutes before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

"I don't understand, Booth."

"I know."

"Why does it hurt?"

"Because you have a heart, Bones. You have emotions and feelings. The difference is you are not ruled by them. But you have to let yourself feel them sometimes, or you're denying a part of yourself."

"I think I know what you mean."

"I can't answer all your questions about Zach, or your dad and Russ. I can't just placate you with stupid phrases that belong in a Hallmark card. All I can do is be there for you. You know I always will be, right?"

"I know that's your intention. And I trust that intention."

"Good. Now, would you like me to stay or go?"

"I should ask you to go, but I think I want you to stay."

"Okay. You sleep, Bones. Don't fight it."

"You say that a lot. Don't fight it."

"Some things are worth fighting for, and some things aren't worth fighting against. Friends are there to help you tell the difference."

"Now you sound like a greeting card, Booth."

"Just don't tell anyone, okay?"

"Alright. I'm going to sleep now."

"Yeah, I figured."

"I do feel better though."

"We can talk more in the morning. You rest."

She nodded and soon her breathing slowed to the cadence of sleep.

"I'm sorry, Bones," he whispered. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I should have. I'm sorry I haven't caught the Gravedigger. I'm sorry that your dad and your brother don't see you for who you are rather than what you can do for them. I'm sorry that Zach did what he did and broke your heart. I'm sorry that I can't fix all the hurt, and I'm sorry for causing you more in the future. I'm sorry I can never tell you that I love you, or even tell you how much I care about you. And I'm sorry that you hold so much hurt that it exploded tonight. I wish I could patch you up and send you back out as if none of it had ever happened, but I can't do that for you. I'm so sorry, Bones."

She let out a long sigh and nuzzled his collarbone with her nose before falling into a deeper sleep. He didn't know what the morning was going to bring, but he did know for sure that for just a moment, she would feel safe and calm and whole in his arms.


End file.
